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Scared and Lonely

According to, a person can be alone without feeling lonely, since alone describes a state of being and lonely describes an emotional response to one's circumstances. While being single means I am technically alone, I am not lonely. Sadly, our culture thinks these two are equivalent if you are single you are by default alone which means you are lonely.

Being alone means I have time to be introspective. Perhaps there are recurring themes from previous relationships and friendships that come to mind, this is the time to address them. I am taking my alone time to work on these things, to deal with my own self! You heard right, DEAL WITH MYSELF. Not all the time shifting blame, sometimes own your ish!

There are people who feel being single is a death sentence. Somehow singleness becomes a disability that exempts them from living. They can’t function without a partner. They inevitably put their life on pause. You ask them when they will execute all their dreams, they’ll answer, “I am waiting for Bae”…life waits for no man!

Here are some things to do while you wait:

Travel: book that flight, that hotel, that trip! Girl, stamp that passport.

Boss up: Have you been thinking of a career change? What about that idea you have been sleeping on? Roll up your sleeves and get to it.

Education: Have you been putting off your degrees: Certificates, Associates, Bachelors, Masters, PhD. If not now, when sis?

Secure the bag: Get your coins! how is your 401k looking? Roth? Are you saving up? Are you eliminating your debts? what about student loans? How are you managing your money? When was the last time you read through your bank statements? Are you budgeting?

Health: Have you been lusting after 6 pack, what about those squats. Get in the gym, start that diet, JUST DO IT!

God: Have you been neglecting your spiritual life? Better dust off your bible, and get on your knees.

Friendship/Family: keeping that grudge? Ignoring that call from that person, invest time in addressing, repairing or deading those relationships.

When you are together you will attract someone who is also on the same wavelength. You get out what you put in!

We see isolation as something bad that only sad and miserable people deal with. We avoid being alone by filling the void with social media, and toxic people. some people will rather be in unhealthy relationships, and deal with toxic, joy sucking “friends” than to be at peace alone.

There is no point rushing into a relationship when you are not ready mentally, emotionally, etc. Another misconception is that a relationship will “complete” you. NEWS FLASH: NO ONE can complete you. You are not a proper fraction, you are whole. While someone cannot complete you, they can COMPLEMENT you. When we navigate the world feeling inadequate and incomplete, thinking our wholeness is in the hands of another human being, how do we expect people to treat us?

This is to encourage someone out there in the spirit of Halloween. Being alone does not have to be scary, don’t be afraid of your own company. It is up to you to define what your alone experience will be.

If you are single, what are you doing with your alone time?

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