That's That SH*T I Don't Like...

Once you get settled into the world of Online Dating you start to notice some patterns in profiles you encounter. Below are some of my observations that low key annoy me:

1. Shirtless bathroom pic- Ok we gerrit. You have six packs. Congratulations, would you like a dog biscuit? rada rada. Even the ones with ½ pack too will join. I am not opposed to advertising your assets and selling point; however, I endorse doing it in an appropriate setting. i.e you at the beach.

2. Gym pics -Why are you snapping pics of yourself at the gym biko? Is that why we are here? Aren’t you there to work out? My fren will you drop that phone and give your attention to those weights If you work out, just state so OR let your physique speak for you

3. Multiple group shots = You are the Michelle of the group. If I cannot identify you, then please what’s the point? Mess around and start chatting up the Beyoncé in the pic only to meet the Michelle in real life. Issa catfish.

I have also noticed that people who have only group shots tend to be on average side looks wise:

1. Attractiveness

2. Body Size

3. Height

4. Wearing caps in ALL your pics = You are balding. Bruh embrace your receding hairline and show off that balding mane of yours. If a girl wants you she will want ALL of you, balding et all.

5.Dog Pics- I am convinced men are being told that Dogs = Chic Magnet. The amount of profiles I come across with at least one dog pic in them is alarming…I’m like na so…so all of una go meeting and the mandate na to go get Dog. Kontinue! I am even thinking of a ‘Rent a Dog’ business that will also provide photoshoot services.

6. Kid Pics- Along the line of dog Pics are men with pics with kids. They are so gracious to point out “Not my kid”, “Kid is my niece/nephew”. Again, at this same meeting, they were given alternative to dog pics. You know if you can’t get a dog, get the next best thing…kids. Sigh.