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Respect The Curve

Often when girls tell their online dating stories you hear the version where they are the Ghosters or Dumpers, seldom do you hear the story of “He’s just not that into you.” Well ladies and gents allow me to share my Curving story. The thing can painnnn! Chai.

In case you don't know what "curve" means, It is to deny/reject an individual's expression of interest.

5 months ago, I matched with a guy on Le Bumbs (That’s my new nickname for Bumble). His profile writeup was cheeky and it cracked me up. If your writeup makes me laugh Issa auto right swipe for me. After matching, I sent a message, he responded, and we chatted for a couple of days and decided we should meet up.

On the fateful Saturday, I made my way to the tea shop he suggested we meet at. We shook hands and walked to the counter to place our order. He offered to pay, and I accepted.(another point to Mr.)

We headed back to our seat and started talking about general stuff. I find that Netflix is a good conversation starter (Take note). A simple “what are you watching on Netflix?” can go a long way. We moved from Netflix to TV shows and landed on HBO Issa Rae’s Insecure and wahlah jackpot! We dissected the characters, discussed who we most identified with and why. We laughed about Issa's Hoetation on the show. Overall, I was getting good vibes.

We moved on to dating experiences and swapped our online dating horror stories. He mentioned he never swipes right on girls who engage in cultural appropriation in their pics i.e. girls who have pictures with sombreros, or native Indian attire etc. (I was thinking ok 2 points for being woke). In return I told him I don’t do gym selfies and overly outdoorsy types. We also talked about ghosting and how it’s rude, I told him I preferred the guy just tell me, “hey, it was nice meeting you. I didn’t feel a spark, I wish you all the best in your dating adventure.” we both laughed.

He mentioned he recently got out of a relationship and was exploring dating again so I asked what happened, he gave me some cookie cutter story, you know…we grew apart gist, and I was like oh ok. I think his mood changed after that and about 30 mins later, he got up and said he had to get home to go prepare for his friends that were coming over.

I didn’t see the dismissal coming because I was caught off guard. Here i was thinking the date was going great, and ol dude was plotting his escape. We exchanged our goodbyes and when I got home to send him a nice to meet you message, he beat me to it with a “hey, it was nice to meet you. I didn’t feel a spark, I wish you all the best in your dating adventure.”

When I tell you I was shook, I mean I was shook to the core, the thing be like Ka ye fi for my yoruba readers. I never hexperrreredit. I was like OH NO HE DIDN’T! Did he just use my line on me? Now hollup a minute, that is my line. I lowkey gave him props though, he was smooth with it.

I replayed the date in my head, what did I say, what did I do? I couldn’t really think of anything besides discussing the previous relationship bit, which to my defense he brought up. I just had to accept that I wasn’t his cup of tea.

Just like in life we can’t and won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. Online dating is no different. While I was digging the dude, he wasn’t digging me and that is A OK. I am not entitled to the reciprocation of my liking or approval.

Nothing like rejection to remind you that (wo)man’s not hot and you should calm your tits.

Be Humble. Sit down.

Pearl B.

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