Positive IONS only!

Back in July 2018 while cruising the streets of Bumble I saw the cutest dog who reminded of my love bug posed up with this guy. I swiped right, and wahlah it was a match.

I started the convo by complementing his sweet dog, and asked if he/she was an english cream retriever and he confirmed that he was and was a gift from his mother who happens to breed them. We carried on well, and convo ended with us making plans to meet up so I could meet his dog.

We met by the Lake and decided to walk his dog who happened to be the sweetest thing. He was very friendly and full of energy. We had to chase him when he took off after squirrels. Finally, we found a quaint lake front spot where we stopped to let the dog play and took turns throwing the dog’s ball into the lake and watching him jump in to fetch.

About the date, he had worked in corporate America but left to start a fitness company, when that folded he settled back into corporate life, but was eager to get out. He was passionate about fitness and was into acrobats, and even showed off some moves. His goal was to perfect his one handstand.

He asked if I was active, and I said a little. Then the show and tell began, he asked can you do a deep squat? Can you squat on your tippy toes like this? At first, I indulged him and tried to follow his moves, but I couldn’t keep up. I'm thinking is this a date or US Olympic gymnastic tryouts? is this why we are here?

He told me i no longer had my balance because I’d lost my child like sense of play. He said every child can do all these moves, but as we get older we stiffen up. I said that’s true and went back to throwing the ball to his dog.

I noticed he would stop and watch me throw the ball into the lake, so I asked if something was on his mind, and he said, can I say something and I don’t mean to be offensive… “you throw like a girl” i said excuse you?

He then proceeded to show me how to throw it “properly”, complete with leg-shoulder coordination. I said thank you and continued to throw to his dog.

Shortly after, he started to take his shoes off, and I ask if he was jumping into the lake for a swim, and he said Nope. He liked to get connected to earth because earth pulls out the negative ions out of the body!

BRUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

You should have seen my face. I thought to myself, what kinda fuckery is this? This is some kombucha drinking, white linen wearing cult retreat behavior and I’m not here for it at all!

It was in that moment knew the date was over. We clearly were on 2 different wave lengths. Very shortly after, i told him i had to call it a night.

I don’t need to tell you that I unmatched with him after that date. There were so many things wrong with the date but the one that takes the cake is the shoe removal. I love dogs and all but i have my limits.