Till Garri Do Us Part

How can someone in this day and age judge garri? Such was the case of Mr. T

Our paths crossed in July on a trip home to Jersey. We met on Tinder. He was Nigerian, and we had some cool bants. He wanted to meet up, but I was only in town for the weekend and my schedule was booked. I apologized and said maybe next time. I thought that was the end of the road.

Upon returning, he followed up with me and would check in often. Further chatting, I realized we had a mutual friend. I reached out to our mutual friend and he vouched that Mr. T was a good guy. So I let my guards down. I had to return to Jersey, and he reached out to me again and said if he would be able to see me this time around. So we met up.

We went to the movies and had a lighthearted conversation about life. I felt he was very forthcoming with his life, and where he was and his plans, which I appreciated.

Small small we started texting weekly. During one of those texts, he asked me what I was doing, and I said figuring out what I’ll be eating for lunch. I said either I have beans and dodo or beans and garri.

Na so bros respond with garri though? so I asked if he preferred l call it garrium. He replied that the issue wasn’t with the name….he said he has not heard that in a while.

I was scratching my head, it's not like Mr. lived alone o, he lived with his folks, and siblings where his mom often travels to Naija and brings back foodstuff ( yes i asked all these questions). In addition, he be out at Naija parries as well. Yet somehow he said he had not heard of someone mentioning they ate garri in a while. It's one thing to say you don't eat garri but to say you "haven't heard that in awhile" is a stretch!

FIRST OF ALL, garri is like rice to Nigerians! Everybody knows it, and it's not a class indicator. So it really is not a big deal what your level of exposure to it is. Garri that runs through our veins. Garri that has multiple levels:

There’s garri that went to the abroad: garri, sugar, powdered milk (Peak), grandnut

There’s ibile garri: Ijebu garri, sugar, grandnut with ice block

There’s the abule garri: garri and fried fish, fried meat, fried chicken

Garri that is so versatile, it comes in 2 colors: Yellow and white

Garri that comes in multiple flavors:

Ijebu garri that’s the Godfather garri (Baba won) konk as hell but slaps. One taste like this you feel it in the back of your jaw. Lo wo kan ni.

Regular garri: mostly used to make eba

Garri that can be converted from liquid to solid. YOUR FAVE COULD NEVERRRRRRRR

Our conversation fizzled out shortly after that conversation. I guess I was not posh enough for his royal highness. I am thankful because me sef I don’t want to be with anyone wey dey judge garri. Garri does not deserve that kinda condescending attitude. Garrium is life. Put some respeck on garri’s name ok.

Dear partner, we go soak garri o, not because of bad condition making crayfish bend, but because garri is delicious. You know when it’s hot outside, and all you want is eran dindin to yi lata….with some garri.

That’s me o. I nor dey form posh o. let me eat and enjoy my garri/garrium/ vitamin G in peace.

For non-Nigerians: Garri is cassava flakes. Learn more here