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Separation of Religion and Love

I was born into a Christian household, raised on God, attending, and participating in church. It was programmed into me that it is futile to be unequally yoked, so as a Christian I had no business dating or being with an unbeliever.

Well my brothers and sisters, times have changed. I signed my declaration of independence when I entered college and began to question many things I’d learned in church. I am still discovering how religion fits into my world and relationships.

So far here are some of my discoveries:

1.) Religion should not be a cage! Our religious identities are not supposed to be handcuffs. Instead they should be a guiding light with YOU playing the most active role of distilling information and being reactive to it…When a religion practice or church doctrine consist of a lot of CAN’T DO, DON’T DO, SHOULD NOT DO without any comprehensive explanation, it’s time reevaluate.

2.) Religion is NOT a one size fit all. I liken religion to a buffet with assortment of offerings and based on where we are in our journey are empowered to utilize certain offerings to get us to the next phase, with an open invitation to freely return.

3.) THE DEVIL GOES TO CHURCH! That’s where he goes to recruit his followers. I had my fair experience with one Christian brother that would wake me up with morning prayer call and goodnight call and yet … nothing to write home about!

What does this have to do with dating anyway?

Well, faith/religion affiliation can be deal breakers. Recall the "do not be unequally yoked..." passage.

I wonder what wonderful man/woman awaits us if we’ll be willing to challenge and re-evaluate our discernment of what it means to be unequally yoked. So many of us are enduring oppressive and misogynistic behaviors because of say we want to show we are good Christian girls to one broda in order to cement our candidacy as the best wife.

Sis, an unserious fellow is an unserious fellow. If you like sleep in church or speak in tongues, NOTHING can keep a man that does not want to be kept.

Even under the umbrella of Christianity there is still a huge divide. I hear of cases where inter-denominational marriages and relationships are frowned upon. i.e Catholics not allowed to date or marry non-Catholics. Conditional engagements, where family blessings and approval are contingent on one person converting to the other person’s denomination.

All of this for what? No be the same God we dey worship?

As for me, I am a Christian with secular edges because I have a little bit of omo jaiye jaiye behavior. If you like judge me, na you sabi. My God is aware of my desires and actions to continually live a life that illuminates his principles of doing unto others what I would like done unto me while having a great, safe, and fun time.

I am a follower of Christ and still bust out some shekpeteri moves, a little oya fun wan legbe legbe and shaku shaku never hurt nobody. I don’t think MY God will deny me any good thing (wealth, health, character, love, partner, dogs) because I like to zanku or komole every now and again.

I have resolved to simply care about CHARACTER! Character tells me so much more than how frequently you attend church, how many hours you can pray, how many bible verses you can quote, how many gospel songs you have on rotation, etc.

  • I care about how you treat yourself. Because how can you show me love, when you yourself don’t love you? You can’t pour out of an empty cup.

  • I care about how you interact with people who are your mate, and people who aren’t.

  • I care about how you relate with the world and what you care about.

  • What does service look like to you bros?

  • What is your philosophy on life?

Personally, these things are stronger indicators of whether one is equally or unequally yoked.

Don’t let religion separate you from experiencing God and Love!


Pearl B

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