Ghosting: Now You See Me Now You Don't.

What Is ghosting? Maybe you’ve heard about it or maybe you’ve done it…or had it done to you...

Ghosting is the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

Last Summer, I went on 2 dates with Pikachu. Our first date was very very chill and there was chemistry, at least I felt. We exchanged numbers and texted often, about 2 weeks later we went on our second date to Alki beach. We took a walk then sat and chatted about life, his upbringing,and experiences. He shared he went through a bad boy phase in his youth and is now on a journey to be a better man. I respected and liked him even more after that conversation.

Bonus was that twins ran in his families (be still my ovaries I thought) ahaha

After our walk we went to a bar to go see the sunset, it was here that i learned how to do a time-lapse video. What I appreciated about him was his demeanor, he had this cool dude vibe, like i can talk to people but don't need a crowd to have a good time vibe, and with the right people i'm gon be the life of the party type energy. When we were walking back to my car some young kids made some jokes towards us and we both cracked up. we hugged goodnight and neither one of us initiated a kiss.

Then crickets…

After 3 weeks went by and I’d not heard from him I decided to take initiative and reached out. (Ladies it is OK to take initiative, reach out, plan a date, etc.…the world won’t end. I promise). In my text I asked how he was and if he’ll be down to do one of the activities he mentioned on our last date. He responded, but no mention of meeting up…so I borrow my sef brain and told myself it’s time to move on.

Some days later I sent him a text along the lines of i suspect life’s gotten busy for you and I want to be respectful. I wish you da best blah bah blah and he said he was sorry for not reaching out due to work being busy and we should hang out soon…OK maybe there’s hope I thought to myself.

Shortly after that text my word turned upside down with my dad’s passing. When he hit me up, I was in the midst of chaos, wasn’t in town and I shared that. he said he was sorry and wished me well. We never met up or talked after that. We crossed paths again on Bumble last week, I said hey and told him I was OK with our meeting being a hi-bye type of situation. No need to waste each other’s time as it’s not that deep.

He proceeded with an apology, talking bout some he wasn’t looking for anything serious, and because we were in 3rd date territory he didn’t want to take advantage of me especially since I was in a fragile state.

I accepted the apology and thanked him. I told him it was not wise for me to re-engage with him since he’s not looking for anything serious. A wise man once told me, don't smell what you don't want to eat. i find myself giving him extra credit and I’m thinking, should I? Are things that bad that I must reward basic decent behavior from men? Are men that trash? Idk, you be the judge.

So high key I was disappointed because I felt we had chemistry, and i was attracted to him (this combo rarely happens with me)…BUT no be chemistry I go chop. We need action and alignment which we didn’t have as we were on 2 different pages. I think I developed a crush, but I’ve now dismissed the thoughts and taken this L.

Have I ghosted someone before? Yes, and while I don’t it anymore, I see the appeal in it. No one wants to be the bearer of bad news so if given the option, some may prefer to fade off and use silent as an invisibility cloak. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to use MY WORDS! We are all adults and should be able to have tough conversation. Instead of ghosting just be honest and share that you are not interested in exploring where things could go and wish the person best of luck.

Pearl B