Why Are You Single?
So, I think right when I clocked 28, I started getting the "why are you single?" question alot. Now that I’ve officially turned 30 the question pops up at least once a month. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve created a templated response. see it below.
Back to the topic, someone dear to me decided she would be an agent of change and introduced me to someone through a friend of a friend. After receiving his initial info I was a bit hesitant but I told myself to ‘BE OPEN MINDED’, and okayed sharing my number and pic.
About a week goes by and I get a message on WhatsApp from said person. I responded when I woke up…next thing he asked for picture, and i asked if he didn’t get the picture that was sent. Sha, I indulged him, and this guy then followed up by asking for another picture a ‘neutral picture’ which WTF is a neutral pic? I digress. After sending a neutral pic (me without makeup) he responds with “Are you for real? Tottally diff from was was sent to me. It's fine."
The “it’s fine” really annoyed me. To me It’s a statement of settling like I’ll manage you like that. I don’t want someone that will manage me. I want someone who thinks I’m hot sturves, yes like see me and be like Beyonce who? Tani beyon..ki lon je?
I reminded myself to keep cool, after all, i'm being open minded.
After we moved on from pics he started GRILLING ME! What's your genotype? (story for another day) why do you have a ring on your wedding finger? etc. I’m like ok get it out of your system. Then he video called me, we continued the Q+A and then he asked if he looked like his picture… I said hmm I guess, you try. (Don’t have beer money and be asking for Dom Perignon)
One question came through: how come you are still single? Is there not a Nigerian community around you? Are you a student or working, abi you are career driven?
*Sorry o I did not know there was a husband tree where women were going to go an pluck husband, ema binu sir.*
I simply said I haven’t found my own person. Now let’s park here.
I am realizing that after a certain age (say 30), a marital status of single means something is wrong with you. Could be character “flaw”, too stubborn, too westernized/not traditional, “attitude problem” and so on…
Someone being single doesn’t mean they have a defect. It doesn’t mean they must be doing something or not doing which is causing their singlitis. It’s all grace, luck.
It’s important to be working on yourself to get to the best version of you. So, if you are ambitious continue, and you may meet someone.
If you have a Type A personality, polish your strengths and you may meet someone who will appreciate those attributes about you. Whatever you are, if you are committed to bettering yourself, then you are good. That is all that matters.
Noticed I say may meet someone. While it’s great to be optimistic, I also believe in being realistic. Not everyone will end up meeting someone that will lead to marriage. The ratio of women to men is unbalanced, so based on math alone, a 1:1 pairing is impossible.
Dear people please stop this rude behavior of asking why someone is single. I know for some it comes from a place of care, so I suggest rephrasing the question along the lines of: are you seeing someone? Are you dating? Notice I didn’t say are you in a relationship? …stop assuming they are doing too much shakara or being too picky.
You should be selective; you are making a decision that will impact the rest of your life literally. Yes, take your time. No be crime. No wonder divorce rate is high, people getting pressured into marriage right left and center, get into it and realize "OH SHIT! Y'all ain’t tell me it was like this, I ain’t ready!"
PS: don’t approach me on my singleness if you are not willing to be an agent of change.
Yes na fight i carry come this post. Come and beat me.