Love Does Cost Something
Where does money fit in love? We've heard the saying money isn't everything, and at the same time had Davido remind us that love is sweet o, but when money enter love is sweeter. Today's post is based on a reader's submission.
Some months ago, I was asked my opinion on this. Notice I did not jump into a conclusion because I needed more info.
So a little bit more color. The gentleman in question had expressed his desire to get into the healthcare industry, and said interacting with the lady in question inspired and motivated him to pursue his goals. Now this is all good and dandy, but the crux is that the gentleman has yet to act on any of his goals.
They took a break for a couple of months, and he reached out again, still singing the same song, but without any work/effort to back them up. He had not enrolled in classes, not even done research on programs, just singing song of aspirations. Uncle what have you been doing since all these months?
First, her questions and concerns are valid! So let’s talk finances. with the advancement of women in the work force, the days of NEEDING a man to survive are behind us (Amen)! That said, finances is the second leading cause of divorces.
We women need to embrace our financial identity/need. I think part of the hesitation is not wanting to come across as materialistic, a gold digger, etc. Newsflash: it is not materialistic to want financial peace of mind for you and your future, ESPECIALLY as you are not coming to the table empty handed. Notice i said not coming to the table empty handed, Ladies be an asset or have an asset, we not about that liability life.
The tricky part is financial situations are not permanent, having money today does not mean you'll have tomorrow. Life happens, people lose jobs, health issues creep up, etc. It boils down to communication, commitment, having a plan and mutual understanding.
Have you had this discussion with yourself?
Am I ok being the breadwinner in my union/marriage/relationship?
Am I ok having a partner who makes significantly less than i do?
Am I ok having a partner who is not driven by money, who doesn’t place emphasis on wealth accumulation?
What does financial security look like to me?
When you answer these questions they help serve as filters for your relationships. It gives you the confidence to approach money issues. I don’t know why money discussion is like a taboo in relationships.
It’s important to be aligned on all fronts. Ladies not all the time, babe where we are going out to eat? or what kind of wedding do you want to have? questions. sometimes make time for serious questions
too...like:
Do you have any debts? *looking at you student loans*
What’s your spending habit? Are you a saver or spender?
Can we plan vacay trips together"? let’s not be having conversations about see the way my checking and savings account is set up, we too old for that.
Bruh what your credit score looking like?
What's your earning potential?
Do you have a 401k? ROTH? IRA?
THESE INFO MATTER a great deal! Financial compatibility is a thing! I don't wish sufferhead on anyone! If you don't come from money, then it must come from you. gba gbe oshi (forget rubbish). I'm hustling now for my future generation to benefit.
So back to the lady, I asked what was important to her? Financial security or great personality? Being with someone who is self-driven or someone who needs constant pushing?
She mentioned financial security was crucial and a non-negotiable for her and with that said, she is calling it quits with ol dude. To thine own self be true!
Send in your questions!
Pearl B