Pandemic Butterflies from a Yoruba Demon
After a failed attempt at being setup by an Aunty this summer I decided to take charge of my life. I got back on the apps. It was on one random night I came across a profile, write up was reg and included various locations, one of them being Lagos. I was ok, Nigerian. I swiped right.
If I had known, I would have swiped left. Because it ended in premium tears.
Anyhoo, after matching we started chatting. Mr. Atlanta shared he was new to the area and moved for work (very typical, a lot of young people in Seattle are transplants who moved here for work). He seemed honest, coming right off the bat to share he has a kid and is divorced. We had a good convo and I remember laughing a bit.
We eventually agreed to go on a social distance walk, the day of our date comes and we met by a small park. He shared a bit more about himself, and everything seemed to go well, it felt familiar like I was talking to an old friend.
We talked about surviving Covid, work, our upbringing, going to school in Nigeria, friends, family and FOOD! We exchanged some of the food services we had patronized during covid. He shared he was just starting to experiment in the kitchen and had made jollof rice and I laughed like” you, jollof?”
Our next date we planned to cook jollof rice, I told him I would share my recipe with him and we could make it together. The day comes and we end up cooking together, played music, danced, and then went for a walk after.
I asked questions about his divorce, and his daughter and he was forthcoming yet a bit guarded.
We had many dates and hang outs after that, to some degree he was my QuaranTeam during the pandemic. We hung out, cooked, laughed and joked, and I put him on to Yoruba movies. It got to the point where he would watch them on his own. LOL and he started to recognize some of the actors.
He was effortlessly sweet, and chill and that’s what did it for me. One night he called me when I was getting ready for bed, he said I’m just wrapping up my day about to go for a late-night run but I wanted to hear your voice. That was so sweet to me, the only man that did that was my dad. My dad would call me and leave me a message, like hello BB, ba woni, mo ko ni kin gbo voice eh. (Hello BB, how are you? i just called to hear your voice). May God rest his soul. Amen
When we would cook, or if I made food he would insist on doing dishes. One day I made ogbono and we made microwavable iyan/pounded yam. ( You heard me right! Microwavable iyan, he put me on to this). He got up and got wash bowl for me to wash my hands, so I didn’t have to get up.
I don’t like cold water and he would leave out his Brita on the counter so it could stay at room temp for me to get water.
It was these small gestures that made me safe around him. That’s what got the butterflies in my stomach to be turninoninown. Awon signature Yoruba Lucifers.
For the first time in 2 years, I let my guards down and shared things with him and really felt very comfortable, no pretending, no putting on a show and he seemed ok with all flavors I dished out. Rare occurrence.
Well things started going south, he shared with me that work was challenging, and he was strategizing on his next move. I tried to be mindful. I consider him an Alpha man (in charge of himself, has his plans, never to be caught off guard), when I clocked this, I became mindful. I kept myself in sight but was mindful of navigating communication, how much I asked, or followed up on.
He was very open, so when he didn’t share something, I felt weird but had told myself to respect his process. Then one day he texted me that he was going to go “radio silent” for the next month to sort things out. He said it had nothing to do with me and didn’t want me to read into it. He just needed space to sort things out. I replied that I understood (I didn’t, but I had to trust him and take him at his words)
In that one month, I felt so weird. One night I finally sent him a message a quick check in and sent some encouraging quotes. He followed up to share how some of his plans were coming along as well which I appreciated.
One month passed, and then I got a short message apologizing for the silence and then informing me he left his job and is leaving Seattle at the end of the month. He said he needed to take the time to think and make decisions without outside influence
I kept my response short along the lines of ok, wishing him well. But that wasn’t me. I was hurt! That message should not have come via text, that was a phone call worthy conversation. Part of me said let it go B, and the other part said no. Let people know when you are hurt by their actions especially given the connection, I shared with him.
So, I crafted a lengthier message and let him know I didn’t appreciate how he shared that info, it came off as cold and distant. Not reflective of our time together, no matter how short it was.
He apologized and shared he would call me back. He never did.
One night I logged into Tinder. I checked on his profile and he had updated pics and his profile: Last 2 weeks in Seattle, let’s have fun. I was so disgusted. I unmatched with him, deleted his number, our pictures, and messages. That was so slimy, and I didn’t deserve that treatment.
Any iota of respect I had left went into the dustbin along with any Oloriburuku feelings I was developing. He will meet his ahead. It is only a matter of time. Like Prince said, “A person trying to play me, plays themself."
Have you dated during this pandemic? how was it? hit me up, let's talk.